May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Screwed.edu
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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