Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
