Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
