she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
