When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize