Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Sorry about my life...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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