i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Randomize
