The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
