I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
