I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
