Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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