Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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