bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
