dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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