We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
