I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
