I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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