ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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