Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
