Swine flu. Run for my life!
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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