How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
