I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
