So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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