Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
