this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
