life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
