i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize