He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
