that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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