why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
