Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
