i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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