your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
