i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
