I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
