I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize