Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I wish you could order shots online.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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