some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Two words: nipple clamps
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