I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
