loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
If I die, sorry about rent.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
