A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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