I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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