I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
