We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
The best walk of shames are on the highway
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize