There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
