Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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