like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
