Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
