soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
