I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
