dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Im part way to drunk.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
