U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
