He disabled his match.com account in front of me
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
