your parents love me but you hate me
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
My vagina just recognized that song.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
