Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
