I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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