She just used a chaser for red wine.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
