I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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