I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
