Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
