just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
