thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize