I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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