All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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