I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
