The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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