We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
