I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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