i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
