I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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