Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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