I'm so fucking centered right now
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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