I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
