In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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