well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
