before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize