One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
