Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
