it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
