I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
