I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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