i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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