did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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