There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
