My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
high people should be assigned attendants
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
