bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
