I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
