I can text with my tongue
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You were trust falling into bushes
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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