I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize