i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
