so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
