4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
