Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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