I am in a vortex of obligation.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Randomize
