You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
