I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
