Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
