I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
