I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
