I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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